Non-DID Dissociation
"Some girls leave their bodies or create fantasy worlds; others focus all their mental energy on something in the room or
outside the window as a way of walling themselves off from what's happening to their bodies. Girls have been known to
count, catalog, sing silently, create a piece of art, choreograph a dance, memorize complex mathematical problems or
lyrics, or project themselves into a painting on the wall - all ways of separating their minds from the situation." -
Invisible Girls, by Dr. Patti Feuereisen, pg. 59.
"The body stayed, but inside the head
the mind was on the run" - "Family Tree" by Megadeth
In this section I will attempt to describe (with the help of Wikipedia) how survivors without DID use dissociation in their
daily lives as a means of coping with their abuse, and with the stressors of their lives. I share my bit about how I have
dissociated as a means of coping with what was happening to me.
Wikipedia defines dissociation as: "...a state of acute mental decompensation in which certain thoughts, emotions,
sensations, and/or memories are compartmentalized because they are too overwhelming for the conscious mind to integrate."
In other words, survivors dissociate because the horror of being abused is too much for one person to endure. So they "go
away" in their minds, so to speak. Dissociation can be achieved in a number of ways, such as through the ways mentioned in
the quote that opens this section. If one concetrates on their counting, singing, imagining, they can shut out the
overwhelmingly painful and scary sensations they are feeling during the abuse.
Dissociation World has a list of 5 main symptoms that occur in survivors
who dissociate. Four of these are especially applicable to those who are not diagnosed DID. They are:
- Amnesia – "this can manifest itself as having gaps in your memory or the experience of ‘losing time’."
- Depersonalisation – "this can feel like you are looking at yourself as though from outside. It can also include feeling
so detached from your emotions that you can feel like a robot."
- Derealisation – "this is a feeling that your environment is unreal or alien and can include experiencing familiar
people as strangers. Often it can feel as though everything appears as through a fog or even the opposite everything
including colours [sic] appear much more intense."
- Identity Confusion – "this is confusion about ‘who you are’ and can include confusion about sexual identity."
Annaleigh's Story - I am sort of a latecomer to understanding how dissociation has operated in my life. The first
time it came to my attention was when I was in high school. There was very little of my childhood years that I actually
remember. Someone would always ask, "Do you remember..." and I would have to say no. They would go down a list of memories
and I would have to keep saying no until I've been asked "Well what DO you remember?" Later on in college this came up when
applying for disability. It went down as one of my symptoms. I also have suffered from derealization and depersonalization.
Most of the time, even though I may know something is real, it still feels unreal. I also feel like I am a spectator in my
life rather than the one experiencing it, a good lot of the time. Also, I've employed some of those highly creative
survival techniques, that still stick with me today. Starting in elementary school, I learned to use the swing sets on the
playground as a way of dissociation, thanks to the repetitive going back and forth. At some point I also developed a "game"
that I played in my head whenever I wanted to tune out, from any unpleasant experience, including abuse. What I did was
memorize a long list of mostly female names. Then I would imagine a woman's life. The way I created events in her life was
to go through the list of names and assign events to patterns of odd and even lettered names. For instance, an even name
would stand for a positive life event, such as marriage, a boyfriend, or a baby, in her life. Three consecutive odd names
would be a serious crisis, such as abuse, illness, or trouble with the law. It is highly imaginative, and has served it's
purpose well.
Dissociation Links
Dissociation World
International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
SIDRAN
Pottergate Centre for Trauma & Dissociation
European Society for Trauma and Dissociation
UK Society for the Study of Dissociation
As Waters Passing By > Aftermath Issues > Non-DID Dissociation