Update: February 7, 2005
When I last updated this section of the site, I was in a state of shock. I learned some things that gave credibility to
some of my suspicions about my abusive past. I was also in a deep depression. I had spent October 2004 to about the end of
2005 in a real emotional funk due to some circumstances beyond my control. But because I am tired of feeling that way, I
decided to become more serious about my healing. I am attending individual therapy regularly now, and I am planning to
start attending a local support group.
My therapist and I have begun discussing exercises from The Courage to Heal. I journal on feeling and issues reading the
book brings up, and then we talk about it. Some things are beginning to click. I feel we are making progress. One area
where things are changing is relationships. I had been on hiatus from dating since July 2004 because of some bad
experiences I had (not because of my partner) with serious triggers that were arising during the early stages of the
relationship. My therapist wisely told me that it was time to try again. She said she didn't want to push me, but that I
shouldn't punish myself for how things turned out with the triggers in the last relationship. I agreed, and though I
definitely do not have personal ads up or the like, I am open again to being in a relationship.
I have made some progress with medication as well. I am taking Wellbutrin at bedtime now, and it has helped greatly to get
me to sleep better, and wake earlier, yet feel rested. I am starting to do things I couldn't do before. I am also making
progress with socializing. Learning to speak to and relate to people.
But best of all, I am reaching a point where I am able to forgive. I have learned that forgiveness is a choice that one
makes not to excuse an abuser's actions, but to release the survivor from the pain. So I made the choice to forgive my
abusers, and to forgive my mother for the lack of protection she offered. Things have changed rather drastically. I am not
obsessing nearly as I used to about the abuse. Obviously I have not forgotten what happened to me, otherwise I would not be
writing this and posting it to As Waters Passing By, but I am experiencing the beginning of a freedom from painful thoughts
and I handle triggers much better.
I realize that things will still be bumpy at times, but I feel I am in a much better place then I have been in for a long
time. :)
As Waters Passing By > Annaleigh's Story > Things Are Better