Update: August 19, 2005
Ahhhh....where to begin? I guess I should first begin by confessing that another depression caught a hold of me after my
last update. I am still struggling with it right now. Eventually I had to cease therapy (temporarily) due to not being able
to bring myself to the office.
Three major things have happened however, which are particularly positive and do need mentioning.
#1 I did something I'd been putting off for 8 years, after having had a bad experience with it at age 16 that I was way too
afraid and ashamed to repeat. It was a doctor visit. I agreed to see a doctor this past May, and she was pretty decent to
me, and even though I felt like I was dying all over again from the pain during the exam, I made it through...reclaimed one
more thing from them. This particular type of doctor visit is not the kind that any woman enjoys, but, you must understand,
I was not merely uncomfortable like most women, I was extremely terrified! But now that I have gone through the process, I
have reached the point where my past will not be a barrier any longer in this area of doing what I need to care for
myself.
#2 Not long after visiting the doctor, I met Haullie for the first time! This was very significant for me...meeting a girl
who has lived through much and lived to tell about it. Haullie is wonderfully sweet and kind & I find it very easy to talk
to her.
#3 And the big one...I had a birthday 10 days ago! I turned 25, and I am just stunned and happy. At 6 years old, I thought
I would not live to be 16. At 16 I thought I would self-destruct by 20...and nearly did. But here I am, 25 years old! I
can't wait till I'm 30, lol! One symptom of PTSD is believing you have no future, and for sure, I have always thought I
would not live much longer. I think maybe this is starting to change now that I have made it to 25...let's hope so.
In any case, the good outweighs the bad! :)
As Waters Passing By > Annaleigh's Story > I'm Still Alive