Update: August 24, 2005
This is an incredibly hard chapter in my story to have to write.
I have been struggling infinitely with what is real, and what is not. Whether the shadows in
the corner of my eye are a figment of my imagination. But I have finally reached a point where
I know it was real.
During the summer of 2002, I began asking questions about my fate between 1983-85. I couldn't
get too much of a straight answer from my mother. I buried my nagging, haunting suspicions in
my journal, which in turn got buried under piles of clutter.
Enter August 8, 2005.
I had been cleaning my room, making real good progress I could be proud of. I uncovered my
heaps of notebooks that serve a thousand purposes. I was looking for a certain notebook with my
poetry. Instead I found my journal from 2002.
[Journal Entry: "...me and I was bleeding vaginally...
Instinct tells me I was molested..."]
That is when I learned I had somehow buried an important link to the truth. My mother had found
evidence of sexual assault, but thought nothing of it, and so apparently it continued. I say
this not to condemn her. I say it to speak my truth. In some warped sense of the word, it gives
me peace to finally know. That the horrible memories are real. It is better to know than
be in limbo.
At first I cried out. I wept. I nearly vomitted, It was a shock. But it is one I can recover
from.
[Journal Entry: "Mom evidently was concerned enough to
check my vagina after every fishing trip..."]
Slowly the secrets come from out of the shadows. I don't have to keep them in a Fort Knox
somewhere, where no one will know. Oh sure there are people who I cannot just blurt this out
to, but I am tired of hiding. Someone hurt me. I am not the one who should be ashamed.
As Waters Passing By > Annaleigh's Story > The Truth Comes Out